Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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