Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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