I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
