is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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