the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
