i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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