You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
