we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
