I heard we made out
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
