Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
