Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize