That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
