4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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