she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
