Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
