they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
