An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
