dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize