We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
