my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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