their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
