i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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