do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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