Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
