He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
love makes seman taste better
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
