She said her name was "party"
we're chasing vodka with high fives
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
