I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
