I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
