Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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