Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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