Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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