I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
