just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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