I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
