i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
