She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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