I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
