did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
