My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
