I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
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