ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
