Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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