This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i dont even know how to be here
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
