Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
