Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
