i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize