Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
