i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
