Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
