They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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