just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize