Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize