I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
