redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
