dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize