Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
