It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
