Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
