I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
