i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
