Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
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