He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
