no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
