She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
