there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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